Parenting When You're Helpless
For any parent, one of the most difficult things we experience is helplessly watching our kids suffer. I have never felt as helpless as I did the day my wife and I sat with our three year old in the hospital, waiting for the latests test results, and getting crushed by the weighted reality of the road ahead. After watching our boy physically suffer for months with no real answers, we finally received the stunning diagnosis, Type-1 Diabetes.
During those days in the hospital, we were bombarded with information and training on what life ahead would look like for us and for him. I was confronted with the question, “How do I parent my children when I feel so helpless?”
As parents, you have likely asked yourself a similar question at one point or another. We can teach our kids to wear a helmet while riding their bike, or to buckle up in the car, but the reality is that there is so much from which we cannot protect them.
For the past eight months my family has had to learn to operate in a new “normal.” And for a good part of those months I have asked God, “What is my role in the midst of this suffering?”
“My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart.”
Can I tell you a hard truth? The goal of parenting is not to protect your children. Read that again so you can see what I am not saying. I am not saying we should simply throw our hands up and let our kids do whatever they want. However, God does not entrust our children to us for the sole purpose of making sure they are always protected. Scripture informs us that our goal as parents is to train up children and guide them toward a heartfelt obedience to God.
“The goal of parenting is not to protect your children…our goal as parents is to train up children and guide them toward a heartfelt obedience to God.”
I can’t protect my son from a pancreas that doesn’t work like it should, but I can teach him how to honor God in the midst of his suffering. I can teach my son that God is just as brokenhearted because he will experience a lifetime of needles and blood sugar checks. I can also teach him how to respond to his suffering with hope.
I am not my kids’ savior, and I never will be. As much as I would love to save them, that is not my role. The God-given role for parents is to continuously point their children to the One who saves, heals, protects, and loves us all unconditionally.
“I have no greater joy than to hear the my children are walking in the truth.”